The reason for this exercise wasn't just for fun. I have a real need to improve http://www.etsy.com/shop/ThatPoeGirl so I can actually sell my products. I know my photography is good and that my jewelry is pretty. So what am I doing wrong? My writing style, that's what. I tend toward just basic descriptions because when I go crazy and decide to be all creative, I instead end up with some horrifying cliches.
Reading through my product descriptions, I found an example of a basic description AND horrifying cliche all in one: "Lampwork blue flower glass beads with additional blue beads set on sterling silver hooks. Large enough to get noticed while staying elegant and fashionable!"
For this:
So here is my metaphor exercise: a beautiful pair of earrings that are described in such a way that someone wants to purchase them.
The earrings are:
Persian blue lanterns with wisps of cloudy sky.
Chris says it's a fish bowl with a Pepsi can in it.
Crystalline hot-air balloon with sterling silver rigging. (okay, I kinda liked that one!)
Of course, I keep coming back to a cloud city, but I can't figure out how to describe the blue beads below them...
A spool of crystal thread inlaid with delicate floral pinwheels.
Okay, which of you readers want a job writing this stuff for me? lol My real opinion of these is simply ooh, shiny. ;)
An oceanic world with floral clouds.
Let me know which of these you liked or if you have something to add...this exercise actually took me about 3 days, though admittedly with much distraction. I will probably re-visit this exercise later if I find a metaphor to be appropriate. However, I think I'm going to move on with other subjects and posts now so I don't give up on this blog just from the frustration.
I do like cloud city and floral clouds... I'd be a bit careful with 'oceanic'. Immediate pre-coffee fear is Kevin Costner on a very big boat.
ReplyDeleteWhen I look at them the following five senses are triggered:
Sight: that shade of blue is calming and tranquil to me.
Sound: Coastal shoreline... gulls and softly crashing waves.
Smell: rain... just before the first drops fall.
Taste: rain again... just after the first drops fall.
Feel: and... rain again. First drops on skin.
Which brings me to something like: a single blue glass bead suspends like the first drop of rain beneath the second bead of a softly clouded, shoreline sky.
That's probably pretty bad. I need my coffee.
I might call these Hurricane Earrings. They resemble hurricane lanterns, which have a large, ornate globe on top and the base is often more simple; they are connected (the globe and base) by three wire arms. Yours is connected by a single wire strand, but that's immaterial.
ReplyDeleteSo, call them Seafaring Hurricane Earrings in Blue. :-)
Thanks, you guys, for the feedback! Sorry it took so long to post...Blogger wasn't sending my notifications to the right email. Just figured that out, and hopefully corrected it. :)
ReplyDelete